Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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