Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
