we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
