That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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