I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
