i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
