hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm at about main and main street
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
how does that bad decision feel?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
