My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
