I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
