to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My life is pants optional.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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