I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
