Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
