I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She needs sedatives and a leash
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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