i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize