Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
