i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
