You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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