You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
