I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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