I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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