For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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