since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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