real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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