So drunk its hurt
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
