Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
