I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
