I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
