I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
