So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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