good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
