He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
