So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
