everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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