anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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