Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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