My liver just broke up with me...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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