I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You are the jesus of drinking
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
