In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
