He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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