the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
