If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
