if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
