I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
foreskin is a definite game changer
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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