If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
