some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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