I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
