i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
