if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
