Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
