walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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