We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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