Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
