She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
